The Lost Girls by Wendy James

Ladies and gentleman,

I introduce you, the best written psychological thriller literature reading by Wendy James:

I'm a fussy reader when it comes to fiction books. I get bored easily with fiction books, and I would just read the end just to save myself from the long winding never ending to get to the point. BUT The Lost Girls, my oh my, every page got me gripping and asking for more where each chapter just makes me say "and the plot thickens!".

Well, at one point, I got too impatient, greedy and excited to know about Angie's cause of murder, so I glanced quickly two or three paragraphs of the last two chapters. Usually, when I know, I won't bother finishing it. BUT this book! It made me even go back to resume reading because there were some juicy bits I actually skipped and I regretted doing it! So, there you go. You have done it Wendy James. You made a fussy impatient reader like me actually going back to read the story properly.

I simply love Wendy James's literature style. She is an amazing story teller. She has the reader completely engaged with the lives of the victim's family. From the first chapter, she lets you suspect something was amiss, and leads you on getting to know the complicated live of Angie and the twisted plots and fate in a very "no beating around the bush and confusions of characters" kinda way. It goes straight into very issue around Angie, before, during her existence and after Angie's death.

Simply, it's a kick ass book. I wish I hadn't borrowed it from the library. I wished I actually bought the book and I would have felt even more satisfied that I got myself my money's worth.

Thank you Wendy James!! You give me hope for fiction books! =)

be different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian by John Elder Robison

It's a book of wisdom and a manual for aspies. Not a lot of people really know what asperger really is let alone being able to try to understand their peculiarities. The first person I can think of, who has traits of aspergers, and who you can relate too easily, is Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. 

In a snapshot, from what I read from this book and from my further readings on the topic, aspergers is a high functioning autism. Physically they don't look any different from you and me - the nypicals. But emotionally they are a little bit behind and intellectually (probably most of them) they are way steps ahead of you and me. Sometimes I like to think they are still children emotionally where they are still struggling handling the ropes of social cues and unwritten social rules. 

Apart from poor EQ (including inability to read body language, poor intimacy, interpersonal skills, lacking reciprocity, lack eye contact) their physical senses are a lot more sensitive than an average person. Sometimes this reminds me of Superman - how when he was a child and he discovered his smell, hearing and touch is amplified, and that made him scared and angry at the same time. For me, its a perfect way of seeing aspies - put them in a crowd, or in an environment of loud music, or that come close with human touch - it irks them somehow. It's not their fault, like I said, its like Superman. When they can't control it, it feels extremely unsettled for them inside and this can lead them to act out. So John, through self-practise and control, learnt to manage this by focusing on one object, or subject or train of thought that could help ease his senses and return to a harmonious state of mind. I can only assume, that would take massive effort and patience on his end and I genuinely do respect him for being able to do that. 

But the beautiful thing about aspies, it's their power to focus on a particular subject or thing or hobby with intensity, that they can block everything and everyone out. This results them to be very self-absorbed at whatever they are focusing on and makes them very detailed and very pedantic at what they do, which then explains they become individuals who excelled with a particular set of skills. They become individuals such as Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Virginia Woolf (just to name a few). 

I think I might have rambled on a lot on asperger traits. I happen to be quite passionate about this topic because someone with aspergers, despite their lack of social skills, they are very endearing human beings, once anyone make the time to actually understand it is not intentionally their fault they can't normally function socially. It's just the way the brain is wired that way and that they are good people. I see them as children in a lot of ways - they need a lot of patience, understanding and tolerance. 

Just as similar to John's story from this book, what happened was no one actually was aware he was diagnosed with asperger or that people at that time even knew what that was. So he was bullied in school because of his inability to know how to make friends (just think of Sheldon - he is the perfect example). As he shares his experience, at the same time, he advises on what to do and what not to do among the nypicals. The manual, if read by a nypical with no knowledge of aspergers, would think all that is advised is basic common sense or that its one of those unwritten rules that you just would know. But you see, aspergers don't and can't and  not meant to see it that way. So it's very humbling and beautiful the way John tries to help other aspies to understand the world of nypicals and how to act accordingly to the social rules. 

I love this biography of John's life with aspergers. It's honest, beautiful and all so humbling. For those who knows someone close with aspergers or that he/she is your family member with aspgergers, I think it would  be best to take your time to read this book. It might help you to see what aspies see, and it can help you understand a little why they are who they are. And that it might help make it easier to ease the tension and expectations on aspies. 

Like I said, I am passionate towards the topic of aspergers and I love looking and embracing the traits aspies own. I sincerely think they are extremely beautiful in their own way and they should be reminded how they are fine and perfect the way they are. =)

The Worry Tree by Marianne Musgrove

It's a book for children but the lessons and wisdom are for anyone who struggles with carrying a heavy burden of uncluttered worrisome thoughts. 

What I love about this book, is the clarity and the simplicity on organizing one's worries and the act of unloading those worries off one's back if it gets too heavy to carry. The worry tree has different animals which serve to carry different kinds of worries. So for example, if you have a worry about friends, and you can't do anything about it, you give that worry to one of the animal and leave it there. There is also a black hole in the tree, where you place worries which can't be named or worries too heavy for anyone to help carry, you push it all in the black hole - that's my favorite kind of place for me give my worries to. 

It's really neat the way the story helps in teaching children and adults in managing and organizing one's worries and emotions before calling it a day. I am currently reading another book about managing emotions and this book coincidentally shows that. It affirms how important it is to sit down and reflect, to have some "me time" so to understand oneself  better. It's a much needed life skill which can be very useful for those who are emotionally all over the place. 

So you've got any pending worries you wish to unload and hang it on the tree? I think it's time you should get them off your back and feel lighter. It's always much easier to see the real cause of the worry when its out of your system and hanging there to be seen with objectivity. Only then you can start to know if its worth worrying or find ways to right the cause of worry. 

Worry not! The tree is always there waiting for you. =) 

The Present by Spencer Johnson

I'm on a roll this week, with books by Spencer Johnson. Books that offer perspective and wisdom to be applied to daily life. What I really love about books from Spencer Johnson, like Who Moved My Cheese and this current book I have just finished reading, is the simplicity in its story telling. Always a breeze to read through, yet at the same time, it does need moments of reflection with the messages delivered throughout the book. 

Similar to Who Moved My Cheese's  handwriting on the wall, The Present has its summary of notes as a reminder to readers of the important steps in achieving success and happiness in life. They are:

BE IN THE PRESENT

When you want to be happy and successful

Focus On What Is Right Now.

Use Your Purpose to Respond

To What Is Important Now.

LEARN FROM THE PAST

When you want to make the present better than the past

Look At What Happened In The Past.

Learn Something Valuable From It. 

Do Things Differently In The Present.

PLAN FOR THE FUTURE

When you want to make the future better than the present

See What A Wonderful Future Would Look Like.

Make Plans To Help It Happen.

Put Your Plan Into Action In The Present. 

And my favourite question from the book, that would help you put things in perspective before appreciating the present:

We take this for granted, because most of the time, we compare ourselves too often with others, and placing others' definition of success to ourselves, without really questioning, if that is what we really want in order to be happy? Or that we are merely succumbing to our peers' expectations in appearing successful, while not knowing where we are heading to. 

This book has helped me realise to take things one step at a time. Common sense that is, there are too many times, where I feel overwhelmed with cluttered thoughts without really concentrating of the present moment. It makes sense and is practical to organise our thoughts and actions first, in this case, mentally organising our thoughts to the present situation and respond to our current needs appropriately. This does help to let go of the past, and move on to appreciating what we have now, before making clearer plans for tomorrow. 

I am going to take this challenge and experiment with these three essential rules of The Present. It all starts today with The Present that I have chosen to give myself today. And presently, I am aware that I can choose to define the outcome of who I will be and how I would feel. I choose to be happy. I choose to realise the present and appreciate it each day. :) 

Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson

I have read this book about three to four times now, and I'm still reminding  myself of the message of being brave towards changes and the courage to move forward.

What this book does, is giving you an interesting perspective towards change, through the story of 4 characters with the names of Hem, Haw, Sniff and Scurry. The characters' personalities reflect the very names they owned, thus, helping you think and question, which one of those you belong to.

Throughout the journey of these characters and their different reactions on cheese, from the contentment, denial, stubbornness, repentance, and forward looking behaviours, it gives out lessons/reflections through the famous "Handwriting on The Wall" :

Change Happens

They moving the cheese

Anticipate Change

Get ready for the cheese to move

Monitor Change

Smell the Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old

Adapt to Change Quickly

The quicker you let go of the old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese

Change

Move with the cheese

Enjoy Change!

Savour the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese

Be Ready To Move Quickly & Enjoy It Again & Again

They keep moving the cheese

Simply, if we don't move forward with change, or in the book's way of referring it as finding new cheese, we will get stagnant and frustrated with ourselves like how Hem is with his situation. Thus, Haw took the courage to find that new cheese despite the fear of getting lost in the big maze, and eventually found new cheese. While Sniff and Scurry, as reflected from the names, were opposite of Hem and Haw - always on their feet to find new cheese, knowing the current cheese won't be there forever.

So thus, similar to real life, cheese represents our jobs, relationships with others at work and at home, or just about anything that has led us to lead such comfortable life without realising we can lose what we have if we are not careful.

What I love about this book is this very question:

What this books helps me see and understand simply is that in life, its my very own fears that holds me back from even taking that step forward towards change. I can tell myself a million times that it's time for a change of direction in my life, but there are always a million more excuses of not making it into reality because of a single fear of the worse that could happen should it happen.

So what would I do if I was not afraid? If I was not afraid, I would have been more realistic, objectively assess the situation and come up with solutions to challenges that were to come along with my decision towards change, instead of becoming obsessively worried on what's not yet to happen.

Preparing solutions and preparing for them to come my way will help minimise surprises in life. I would be more like Sniff and Scurry, always on their feet, going through the maze and kept moving forward.

It's the disease of complacency I think that also holds one back from wanting to move forward with changes. I suppose when it one gets too comfortable living in one's own goldfish bowl, it greatly creates this sense of grandeur sense of entitlement of life's privileges. It's easy to forget and take things for granted.

I am grateful we have to keep up with changes because without change, I really can't imagine a society never having the need to progress and move forward to be better. Dealing with change is best when you don't worry too much or over analyse every single details. My own advice with dealing with change is:

- don't think too much, in the words of Nike, "just do it!"

- prepare, prepare, prepare; you can NEVER GO WRONG with preparing yourself into change.

So there, this book is a great reminder for me to be okay with change and be brave when I make the decision to change. Even when the fear creeps in again and hold me back, I must remember, I will risk in ending up becoming Hem. I don't want that happen to  me.

It's easy to read, you can finish reading in an hour or less. It's something I am sure, you will go back reading to and be reminded not to fall in the trap of being Hem, and always remember to ask yourself, "What would you do if YOU weren't afraid?"

Book Review: The Boy Kings. A Journey into the Heart of the Social Network by Katherine Losse

Here is a story, or I think the author would like this more to be of an expose of facebook from her angle as an employee and a facebook user. 

Through this book, Katherine shared her journey from the beginnings of facebook until the rise of her corporate status working closely with Mark (which does not even cover 20% of the book by the way), and her inner thoughts and reflections of facebook worsening the humaness in all of us. 

What I think of this book - I find her writing infuriating. I do appreciate her honesty and profound insights from her experience of "outside looking in" and afterwards becoming them, and eventually not becoming them. But really, her flow of writing, and the way she described details or that memories of what she knew of facebook - I wish she could write better. 

Most times, I find myself skipping paragraphs, and in the end, I find it hard to appreciate her book except for a few anecdotes from the book. Other than that, I felt it could do more, but it just doesn't do it. All I can say is that, its a frustrating read. 

Also, I find Katherine quite contradicting in her relationship with Facebook. In the first 100 pages of so, she went on about how unhealthy Facebook is and how the culture of Facebook is just as bad. But later on, after she was promoted, she went to write this:

"Getting Facebook translated into languages other than English was an obvious move, and the need to extend the network to the world was something I always believed in."

Really? She has always believed in advocating Facebook worldwide despite her own reflections of how Facebook is lacking real intimate relationships? I told you, reading this book, I felt frustrated. 

The only thing I like her vulnerability in her views of the online world. I like to share some paragraphs from the book:

page 93: Facebook doesn't hurt people. People hurt people. This is true. But just as more cheaply, it makes it possible to hurt people faster, more efficiently, with less cost to themselves. It removes any sense of direct responsibility for our behaviour, for how what we do makes others feel. 

page 183: Facebook culture, by another name, then, might be a fear of adulthood, a desire to put off commitment, responsibility, and the difficult work of relating in real life and in real terms, forever. 

page 198: Facebook tells us to share "What's on your mind?" so it should have been easy, shouldn't it, to just say what I feel? But the prompt, and the system of liking and ranking that it feeds, always gave me pause. I was not sure whether the idea of sharing was that easy. 

All in all, its not a popular read, I kept procrastinating in finishing reading the book even though it wasn't that thick. It was slightly a put off, and I am just glad I can return this one back to the library and not feel bad for leaving it unread halfway. 

Book Review: In the Midst of Life by Jennifer Worth

The perfect title to a perfect book by an inspiring author. Before I continue with sharing my reflections, I would like to pass my condolences to the family of late Jennifer Worth. I do hope her passing on was a peaceful one (passed away due to cancer in 2011), surrounded by family, friends, or/and former colleagues. To those who have shared their lives with her, all of you must be very lucky. With the stories and experiences she had shared in this book, she had led the most fulfilling and intellectual life amongst all of us. 

Let me share my favourite passage from the book, which I believe, sums up Jennifer's whole motivation of having this book written and published. 

"Facing death induces us to see life through new eyes; our perspective is altered, sometimes profoundly. Most of us live a headlong existence, so we are too busy to question the meaning of life. Suddenly all is changed, all our values are open to question and doubt. Even those who are non-believers begin to search for answers to questions like 'What is the meaning of life?' ' Why are we here?' 'What is life?' 'What is death?' Bereavement leads some of us to think that there must be more to life than that which is concrete and visible, and we find there is a larger, deeper purpose than we had ever suspected. For some, asking these questions, even though there can be no positive answers, can transform their whole way of living."

Before anyone starts assuming that discussing and embracing the subject of death is of a morbid one, I say, reset your thinking and start to form new respect and humility towards it. Jennifer Worth does exactly that in this book - it's humbling, touching, and converted me to have the highest regard and respect to the process of passing on with dignity and courage. 

Jennifer shared her personal insights on her friends and patients' views before their final depart. There were a couple of short stories and each one of them, they were not just inspiring, but it also felt as personal to me. One story which I would bear close to my heart would be "The Bedroom Cupboard". I won't let this be a spoiler. Though I do want to share of Mr Anderson's strength, perseverance and positivity towards his battle against life's adversities - I can't help feel an immense respect and high admiration for him. The ending to his fate was of an irony though, but I think it would be something that Mr Anderson would have preferred. Maybe...

Another critical insight shared by Jennifer was the relationship between doctors, advanced medicine, and the sufferings of patients. It's widely believed that advanced knowledge in medicine, and its techniques is meant to help prolong the lives of patients, though this, most of the time, does not necessarily mean, helps in easing the pain and making life better for them. In the past, or maybe, still today, patients are not viewed as individuals with feelings and opinions. They are merely patients or subjects to put into practice from the theories and research of medicine. 

This book has helped me to see that death should be of a honourable act of passing on with peace and dignity. The argument of whether or not to stop the life machine plugged onto a loved one is of a controversial issue, but it is simple. Would you rather let the loved one go in peace and honourably, rather than to prolong a life, a life that is not lived by us, by that person having to suffer pain and most importantly humiliation from the suffering. 

I am thankful to Jennifer Worth for writing this book and so graciously shared her thoughts, and experiences for the subject of dying and death, It makes living life even more precious. It makes the process towards death even more accepting. 

Thank you Jennifer, and may you rest in peace. 

Good night all.